When I pictured what graduate school would be like, I imagined several things. I pictured myself as part of a group of people all working toward a common goal of learning. I thought about long nights in the library, even though I prefer to do my studying elsewhere. I saw myself at a desk speaking with students and referencing articles and texts and just generally being impressive. One of the things I was most looking forward to was student development theory.
I was part of a strong group of student affairs minded people in undergrad and our senior year, all 9 of us went to the Oshkosh Placement Exchange looking to begin our careers in student affairs with graduate school and that sweet housing assistantship. I was the only one of us to not get an offer.
As I watched them, mostly through the wonders of social media, learning and having that life I had pictured for myself, I was really hard on myself. Wasn't I as smart as they were? Didn't I have more experience than some? Don't I deserve to have the same achievements? Well, three years and an additional bachelor of arts later, here I am - living the dream. I don't study in the library, because I never have even though it seems like something a graduate student would do, but I do have meaningful conversations with students and I am surrounded by a great group of people - my first year cohort, the second years in housing, my colleges in the department and my classmates. We share articles, though its mostly via facebook rather that imparting my amazing wisdom on students, and I'm still excited about student development theory.
I've had a lot of conversations with my former supervisor about the difference between 22 and 25 year-olds. While three years, especially once you're into your twenties, doesn't seem like enough time for there to be a significant difference, but she and I agreed that there was at least a difference between me and the tools I use to get through my day and those of other people we know. While most of our theories cover traditionally aged college students, I can definitely see now the differences between people with theories to back me up.
I'm still working hard to remember whose theory said what and when it was studied and if it is a model of stages, vectors, or perceptives, but I know that what I'm learning now is going to set me up to be most successful, not just in my career, but in daily life. If I can better make sense of the world around me and the behaviors and rationales of the people with whom I interact, then I am better equipped to make reasonable and positive decisions for myself.
Maybe I wasn't ready for the graduate school experience when the rest of my friends from undergrad were. Maybe I needed to progress through a few more stages. As I learn more about theory and reflect further, I may be able to answer those questions. Until then, I'll just keep trying.
